Actually, we're pretty great.
Sometimes being bi can feel like the most overlooked part of the LGBTQA umbrella. I’ve been bi when I have a female partner. I’ve been bi when I have a male partner. And yep, still bi when I have a trans or non-binary partner. Sometimes it feels like the only time I’ve satisfied the Bisexual Gold Standard is when I have had one male and one female partner! (Which was really great, but my orientation has remained the same.)
While bisexuality is getting more and more mainstream acceptance, there are still plenty of myths that persist about dating bisexuals. And honestly? It’s time to put these to bed. Here are some of the big ones.
Myth: All bisexuals are cheaters.
This one is so wild. The thinking goes that since we’re attracted to both men and women, we’ll never just be able to be with one gender, right? Yet nobody applies this kind of thinking to any other kind of attribute. If you’re attracted to both tall and short people, does that mean you aren’t capable of committing to anyone? Of course not… and it’s just as ludicrous to think bi people can’t.
Myth: Bi men are gay men in denial.
Just because a guy says he’s bi doesn’t mean he’s on the road to gay. Bi men exist as bi men. Anecdotally, only two bisexual men I ever hooked up with ended up marrying men… the rest married women. Just because they’re bi doesn’t mean they can’t be committed partners and it doesn’t mean they’re incapable of monogamy.
Myth: All bi women are doing it because it’s hot for guys.
Ugh, this one kills me a little because… yes, some women, especially in certain sex-positive spaces, do “performative bisexuality” for the male gaze. And from a bisexual woman, this SUCKS. It’s the worst to realize that the woman you were vibing with just sees you as a prop. But this isn’t the fault of bi women! This is straight women co-opting bisexuality without considering how that feels to bi women.
There are plenty, plenty of bi women who exist, dating and hooking up with every gender, without involving the male gaze at all or involving the male gaze on our own terms, in tandem with our own WLW experiences.
Myth: Being with a bisexual means you’ll have threesomes all the time.
Being bisexual isn’t JUST about the threesomes. Most people, bisexuals included, don’t have threesomes as a regularly scheduled part of their sexual repertoire. But let’s be honest: they’re really fun. And for a bi girl, having a threesome with one girl and one guy is pretty much the definition of having your cake and eating it too.
But threesomes can also be complicated headaches, fraught with insecurity and imbalances. Never assume that being with a bisexual automatically means you’ll be having threesomes every weekend.
Myth: You can’t trust bisexuals around men OR women.
Just because we are attracted to people of our same sex and people of other sexes, doesn’t mean we are incapable of having a platonic friendship with anybody. Being bisexual has often meant asking (typically hetero) partners to examine their biases about gender and friendship. We aren’t constantly scouring the earth for our next hookup… sometimes we like people just because we enjoy their company.
Myth: LGBTQA events are just for sex.
Queer spaces, even mingle-friendly spaces like gay bars, are about more than hooking up. They often serve as a great place to socialize and share space with other people with similar experiences. It’s a great place to find opportunities to volunteer and support the LGBTQA community as a whole.