Zoe Burch: Being a Woman in the Funeral Industry

We’re all gonna die.

This reality can be deeply unsettling to most people unless you’re directly confronted with it at a young age. Death is traumatic, and losing a loved one is unimaginable, but we all respond to trauma in highly individualized ways. When I was 13 I went to quite a few funerals all in the same school year. Two of my best friends’ parents passed away within a month of each other, family friends passed away as well, and I even lost my great-grandmother. Each of the deaths affected me differently, and while I was able to say goodbye to my great-grandmother before she passed, the sheer multitude of all the deaths in such rapid succession was enough to send me spiraling. Death is sudden, confusing, and just plain fascinating.

My main method of coping with these losses at the time was to dive into education. I thought that I would be less sad if I could assign a more sterile, scientific vibe to what otherwise would have been a pivotal moment of lasting depression. I started borrowing library books and reading material online about the embalming process, the funeral process, and as many facts and details about post-mortem care as humanly possible. What I learned was both shocking and in some ways comforting. While it’s eye-opening, to say the absolute least, to learn exactly what must be done with a body after death. The machines, the artistry, and the people who make the whole system work during a family’s deepest time of need are the silent heroes of the world’s workforce. Few other professions call for extreme technical skill, strength, patience, and flawless bedside manner all at the same time. Even those with the proficiency and personality to take on such a career are deterred from becoming professionals in the death care field due to its extreme and unavoidable morbidity. That’s why, if you pay attention, you will notice many funeral homes are operated by families. It’s common to see multiple generations of a single family running the various aspects of a funeral home and to see that business be passed down through generations– and that’s mostly due to the point I mentioned earlier: death can be remarkably unsettling and traumatic, but once you’re exposed to the realities of it at a young age, it can be easier to cope. If driving in an *occupied* hearse as a child was a normal part of your upbringing, or preparing for a wake while seeing a stranger’s body laying in a casket was part of your chores, you’re more likely to be desensitized to the taboo nature of it all. Also, it’s quite a lucrative trade, as there isn’t a single person on this earth who has been able to or will avoid death. It’s coming for each and every one of us.

I met my cousin Zoe at my great-grandmother’s funeral. Zoe was going through a death-related turning point in her life as well, which she’ll get into below. Although I can’t fully empathize with the pain she experienced that ultimately attracted her to the funeral industry, I can empathize with the compulsion to take trauma and turn it into opportunity. What Zoe has been able to accomplish in her field as a 22-year-old woman is rare and massively impressive, but it’s too often that people like her go unrecognized. Being in the funeral business isn’t just a job, it’s an emotional undertaking and lifestyle with no distinct working hours and very few boundaries. Zoe, and others like her, are entrusted with our loved ones during their final moments in our presence. It’s because of people like Zoe that we’re able to see our loved ones in a way that allows us to begin or continue the grieving process. It’s because of people like Zoe that our loved ones can have the dignified celebrations of life they deserve, and it’s because of Zoe specifically that I’m able to look into the industry and gain rare access to the secrets and details that would otherwise be hard to find. I’m so proud of how far she’s come in such a short amount of time and after going through so much, but this is only the beginning for her, and someday I hope to visit her practice and learn a thing or two in person.

The following interview was conducted in April 2023 between myself and Zoe Burch: licensed funeral director, and one of the youngest in her field.

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LL: Usually, the funeral business is one that’s shared with the family and rarely ever entered from the outside for various reasons. Tell us why you made the decision to start this career. Include details regarding how you knew this was the proper career path for you/ something you wanted to do for the rest of your life, any and all details.

ZB: I ultimately decided to start this career to help others. Death is something that many are uncomfortable talking about, but it’s also one of the only things we’re guaranteed in life.

When I was 9 years old, my mother passed away. Of course, my world came crashing down. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. It was the worst pain I had ever felt. I was so confused and scared.

When we went to the funeral home, of course I was sad, but I was also curious. What am I about to see? What does a funeral home look like? I kept thinking of a dark, macabre building with all these scary people around. I was happily surprised to see a building that looked like a real home, with people all dressed up, helping us the second we walked through the door. I thought it was so meaningful that someone (the funeral director) was there and wanted to be there to tell my family what to expect and that it was alright. That always stuck with me, the selflessness.

I never did and never will forget that experience. It just made so much sense to me that I needed to show that same selflessness and compassion to others who are going through the same thing because it happens every day. Guaranteed.

LL: When you started, what were the attributes that shocked you, if any?

Similarly, what elements of the training were the most exciting to you?

ZB: I was 18 when I started working in a funeral home. I was so happy to be there, I was ready for anything. Nothing shocked me. Then I saw my first “post” embalming (embalming after one has had an autopsy). It was very exciting for me when I was able to get very hands-on with procedures like that.

LL: What was the training process like? How long did it take? How many people were in your program/class/etc?

ZB: I went to Mortuary School and graduated in March of 2022. Mortuary school typically takes about 2 years to complete, and I started in January of 2020. This was right before COVID, but my school was based in another state, so I was already online. While in school, I was working at the funeral home full time (also started in January of 2020, a month and a half before COVID hit :)) I was also able to do my school’s required training at the home I worked for, helping me graduate quicker. During that time I was able to start my required 1-year internship (FL requirement) early. As an intern, you learn how to meet and speak with families in need, arranging funerals, embalming, restoration, etc. Every aspiring funeral director also needs to pass the required national and state licensing exams during their internship.

LL: When you graduated, were you able to begin your practice immediately?

ZB: Yes, I had been for about 2 years at that point.

LL: Please describe, if applicable, any obstacles you may have experienced as a woman in this field. Is it a male-dominated field?

ZB: It is definitely a male-dominated field. Think about it: lots of heavy lifting, long hours… But in reality, women are just as capable and this industry requires a lot of empathy and great attention to detail. While it’s easy for women to thrive if they put their hearts into this, we’re constantly not taken seriously.

LL: What is the current position you hold? Where would you like to go from here?

ZB: I am currently a licensed funeral director. I wouldn’t mind moving into management positions in the future.

LL: Describe something (or multiple things) that you think would surprise people about the business.

ZB: I think the process of how we prepare the body for viewings/services would surprise people. Honestly most things I tell people about my job surprise them. People are always surprised to learn I drive a hearse quite a bit!

LL: Describe the biggest challenges you face in the industry overall.

ZB: My biggest challenges in the industry would be not being taken as seriously as my fellow male funeral directors, and the emotional baggage this job has you carry. Since being empathetic is practically required, we get upset at the loss too.

LL: Describe the impact you would like to make and the legacy you would like to leave in the industry.

ZB: I would like to help young women like me know that it’s so important to walk your own path. Do what you want! If I had listened to the people who told me I was crazy for wanting to be a funeral director, I wouldn’t be established in my career at 22! I wouldn’t be ahead of everyone my age. I’m proud of myself for not listening to the unsupportive negativity from others. Thankfully my family has been supportive of my career choice always, which only confirms to me that I’m doing the right thing.

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